Awareness of domestic violence against women is very high across the EU, thanks to media such as television (92%), newspapers and magazines (59%) informing the vast majority of EU citizens about the problem. 78% of Europeans recognise that domestic violence is a common problem. In times, especially in those when you are ‘forced’ to stay home with your family members, there was a lot more reports about domestic violence than past years. What can I do? Who should I turn to?
A lot of victims are uninformed of what should they do, in case of domestic violence. Sure it is not easy to report your family member, because you have emotional connection with them, but how to recognize if border has been crossed? In this article, we asked experts a few questions, which can help you recognize and take a step, to free yourself from bullying.
I talked with Simona Lovšin, who is a professional worker and head of the Counseling Center for Victims of Violence in region of Novo mesto. She helped me to answer on some of my questions.
Stop domestic violence, source: https://www.herbertandweiss.com/court-decides-brother-and-sister-are-former-household-members-for-purposes-of-new-jersey-domestic-violence-law/
Was there already an increase in domestic violence in the first wave of the COVID-19 epidemic? What about right now? Do you lack staff, but space?
Regarding the statistics of domestic violence or number of cases of domestic violence, it would be necessary to contact the police, as in our society we do not know about all cases of violence that happen. In terms of experience in our Counseling for Victims of Violence program, we saw a decline in users in the first half of the first wave — meaning we recorded fewer people who needed help resolving violence. Towards the end of the first wave, we recorded an increase in users, who turned to us for help. In the second wave, the dynamics are slightly different. There has been no decline in the number of users, nor has there been a significant increase in the number of people who would need help. The Counseling Center employs 3 people and so far we do not lack staff, but we would need another office, as the number of users increases every year, regardless of the epidemic.
Why do you think there was an increase in domestic violence just at the time of the ‘lockdown’?
As stated in the first question, we can deduce from the statistics of the police whether there was an increase. I believe that an epidemic is a difficult situation that can cause many people additional distress or increase the distress that has already been present. People who are taught to alleviate distress with violence or that they solve distress with violence, also during the epidemic, they choose violent behavior to solve distress, which was even more due to this situation.
Which forms of violence are the most common and which the least?
According to the experience in our Counseling Center, all users have experienced psychological violence. Only a part of these, in addition to mental, also have the experience of physical violence. Rare users tell us that they have been victims of sexual violence, but in my opinion this does not mean that there is less sexual violence but it could mean that they have not recognized sexual violence or are so ashamed to not talk about it.
On average, how much time do victims spend with you? Are they provided with basic living needs (toilet, food…). How are the children? Can you provide them with funds for distance learning in the current situation? What about their guardians?
The Counseling for Victims of Violence program is intended for users who live in their home environment. The safe house, which operates within our association, can accommodate women and mothers with children who need to retreat to a safe place due to the threat. Staying in a safe house is limited to a maximum of 1 year. The safe house provides living conditions (separate bedrooms, common living room, kitchen, toilet and bathroom). The users run their own household and take care of their children.
What would you recommend / advise to anyone who may not want to be exposed but is experiencing violence at home?
In the case of domestic violence, “wait a minute and it will work out on its own” does not apply. As a rule, violence escalates, it does not end on its own. Many times, the victim does everything to please the perpetrator, believing that his or her behavior can prevent or mitigate the violence. All this does not really help to such an extent that the perpetrator of violence would never again choose violent behavior to solve some of his distress or. to achieve its goal, as violent behavior is the sole and sole responsibility of the one who chooses that behavior. The longer the victim is silent about the violence, the more power the perpetrator will have. I would advise victims to talk about violence as soon as possible. If they feel threatened, they are afraid of the perpetrator to call the police immediately and tell them that they are victims of domestic violence and need immediate help. Protection, they should turn to the CSD and tell what they are experiencing or call one of the non-governmental organizations that work in the field of assistance to victims of violence. One of these organizations is also our Association Life without Violence, which covers Dolenjska and Bela krajina and for this purpose implements the Safe House program and the Counseling for Victims of Violence program. Anonymity and confidentiality are guaranteed to all who turn to our association for help. If they are unable to call for help themselves, they should ask a person they trust to do it for them or to accompany them to the police or the CSD. Otherwise, this task is also performed by the professional staff of the Counseling Center for Victims of Violence.
How do victims turn for help? Do the same victims come back again and again or do you have different ones?
Those victims who turn to our Counseling Center for Victims of Violence first call us by phone or send us an email to arrange a face-to-face meeting. In the beginning, we first focus on her situation to get a better idea of what is going on and what problems need to be solved first. In the continuation together with the victim or. we make a plan for the user, how we will tackle these problems together, what needs to be done, who or which institutions need to be involved in problem solving. Users are included in the Counseling Center as long as they want and need our help. Those who have more complex problems are coming to us even for several years. Some of them manage to solve the situation in a few weeks, but they turn to us again in the face of new challenges that they cannot cope with.
Is CSD involved in working with you? How does it help you prevent violence?
We work with the CSD to protect victims of violence. Together, we plan the forms and course of assistance and look for ways to best implement protective measures to make it safest for the victim of violence, especially when it comes to the safety of children.
Can you help a victim who calls anonymously and does not want to go to a safe house or maternity home? How?
Of course! It is for this purpose that we opened the Counseling Center. In the local environment, we perceived that many people do not need to retreat to a safe location, but need help with various procedures related to violence (reporting violence, obtaining free legal aid, protection measures, divorce, arranging contacts, determining alimony…), help with processing the experience of violence in the past, in eliminating the consequences of violence, they need an escort to the institutions (to the court, CSD, administrative units, to the police. Depending on her situation, we make plan for each victim, how the help will be provided.
Please describe how the victims get to you the fastest? Does this usually take a long time? Do victims often change their minds out of fear and no longer seek help? What about the shame you also attribute to women for not taking action?
The fastest way to reach us is to call or write to one of the units of our Counseling Center for Victims of Violence:
- Novo mesto Unit 031 696 389, svetovalnica.nm@gmail.com, working hours from Monday to Thursday: 8.00 – 16.00, Friday 8.00 – 14.00 hours
- Unit Bela Krajina 051 201 760, svetovalnica.bk@gmail.com, working hours from Monday to Wednesday 8.00 – 16.00, Thursday 8.00 – 18.00, Friday 8.00 – 14.00.
We can be reached on the phone every working day, during working hours! Most of the victims who turn to us also report violence, and after the treatment of violence begins with the competent institutions, the violence also decreases. interrupts. Those victims who receive professional help and support find it easier to stick to their goal of not changing their minds. What matters is what response the victim encounters when they first talk about the violence! If she gets the message that she is to blame for what she is experiencing and that it will be even worse if she tells anyone, then she will find it harder to seek help as she will feel even more helpless and hopeless. However, if he receives the message that the perpetrator is solely responsible for the violence, that the violence is criminal and unacceptable, and that the chances of ending the violence are much greater if he seeks help, then the victim will hope that the situation can change and it will also be easier to seek help from institutions or NGOs! We have a lot of stories with a good outcome in our Counseling. We do not leave the victims alone when they are fighting for their rights and protection, but we monitor, encourage and encourage them… In families where violence is present, the victim is mostly ashamed of the violence. Most of our users have a lot of shame and other unpleasant emotions (fear, disgust, disappointment, anger…), especially in the initial phase of the counseling process. It is difficult when these unpleasant emotions and unpleasant experiences hinder them in life. We talk about this a lot during the counseling process, and over time, these unpleasant emotions and experiences become less and less of an obstacle in life and decision-making.
Sources:
– https://www.herbertandweiss.com/court-decides-brother-and-sister-are-former-household-members-for-purposes-of-new-jersey-domestic-violence-law/
– https://ec.europa.eu/commfrontoffice/publicopinion/archives/ebs/ebs_344_en.pdf
– Counseling Center for Victims of Violence
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